Ruth Ran Out the Store

Ruth ran out of the store. Her heart beat fast. Anxiety followed her all the time especially, when she was around people. She felt as if everyone could see her worthlessness. She hated going to stores. Ruth felt safe being alone. Alone she could create walls that brought a form of protection.

During her marriage with Phillip, she had become reserved and scared of people. She couldn’t understand why she felt scared; Ruth had always loved being around people. During her childhood, family and friends were always over visiting her family. Ruth’s father, Jeremiah, was a man who loved to have family over and her mother, Luisa, loved to host. Loud conversations and laughter were a part of her house. But things were different for her now. Those joyful days with her family seemed like a long time ago.

Every time Ruth was in public, she would compare herself to the beautiful women around her. She wished she was beautiful, but Phillip didn’t think so. He degraded her with offensive and cursing words. Words that penetrated her soul. Ruth believed all the words that Phillip called her. She felt labeled.

Phillip would tell Ruth, “You are worthless, no one loves you, people think you are stupid, you are so fat, you are a weak woman." Ruth believed every word he would say. His words affected every part of who she was.

On church days, she would hear a different story from the pastor. The pastor would say how wonderful and beautiful we were to God. That God's love for us was deep and He was a faithful God. But she didn’t believe that God felt that way about her. How could He love her?

Walls

Worthless, weak,

Were the words that flew at her.

You have no value-

You are stupid and fat,

Were the words that created her walls.

Walls of pain and hurt,

Walls that isolated her-

From her true love.

One day, she heard a breaking,

A shifting in her walls.

Light and love slowly came in shouting,

“You are beautiful, valuable-

Worth more than any treasures of this world.”

Little by little the walls came tumbling down.

Feeling vulnerable without her walls,

He stood before her- the one who shouted those words,

The one who broke her walls-

The lover of her soul-

His name is Jesus,

The one who broke her walls.

~ Cesiah~

Note from author:

One of the things an abuser will do to their victim is to isolate them from society, family, and friends. They want complete control of their victim in order to manipulate and destroy them.

If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, I encourage you to not stay silent. Speak out and find help. One way to start is by reaching out to The National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-799-SAFE.

Sister, I can't stress enough how valuable you are! You, my sister, are truly loved by God. You have many sisters that love you and that have also walked the same road of domestic violence and have survived. You are not alone.