Let Animals Be Your Superpower

By Kathy M Finley

For 15 years, I was in an abusive marriage. I never knew when my husband would explode. Sometimes it was over a silly joke I told. Sometimes it was because I called my mother. Sometimes it was because he claimed I embarrassed him at a company party (and embarrassing him meant I merely talked to people who were talking to me). He would call me names, tell me I was fat (I was maybe 10 pounds overweight), and say I was the ugliest and stupidest person he ever met. He played on my insecurities and lack of self-esteem. He would kick me in the back and punch me in the arm (so no one would see the bruises). He would break things I treasured. And of course, like all abusers, he would apologize a few hours later and say it would never happen again. Worst of all, he would not allow another living thing in the house. He claimed he was allergic to cats (although he remarried someone with cats), and dogs were too much trouble. During the marriage, I never told anyone of the abuse because I held a professional job and thought others would think less of me. Moreover, my husband held a prominent position in the business community and could be a real charmer so I felt no one would believe me.

Then one day after I had taken a job with a comparable salary to his, he filed for divorce and left me. Even during the bitter divorce and harassing calls, I was fortunate that he didn’t harm me. Breaking free from my abuser had one other advantage – I could now have a pet. Although I loved both dogs and cats, I preferred cats because I traveled for my job. Before I had a chance to adopt a cat from a shelter, my staff gave me a gray and white kitten for my birthday. Now, instead of living with abuser, I had someone who loved me unconditionally. The kitten (whom I named Clio) looked exactly like the cat I had as a child. That cat, Lisa, provided unconditional love and comfort to me since I was constantly bullied in school. Clio turned out to be the best gift ever because she not only provided me unconditional love but helped me realize my self-worth. Nothing was wrong with me being me! Moreover, she and the stray cat I adopted a year later (Dickens) allowed me to trust and love again.

Clio would act silly at times. She would run around the house chasing glitter balls and occasionally run into a wall or a door. She’d walk along the footboard of my bed and accidentally fall off. Once she tied herself to the bedpost while playing with a ball of yarn. In short, she provided endless hours of entertainment for me. And when I did something silly or was a bit clumsy, I realized that was okay and there was no need to beat myself up over it, and there was no one who was going to scream at me for those actions. Clio and DIckens restored my self-esteem and self-confidence. They brought joy to my life, and they taught me that I could love again.

After my abusive marriage and divorce, I was single for several years before dating again. Clio “screened” my dates. If my dates didn’t fawn over Clio and Dickens, were allergic to cats, or just didn’t like cats, they were a “one date wonder.” Until I had Clio and DIckens, I was never able to pick up on controlling behavior, but now suddenly I could. When Clio took a liking my boyfriend Jeff, I knew that he was the right person for me (and he is now my husband). He even went to great lengths to retrieve Clio’s glitter ball which she had placed inside the torn bottom of my loveseat on one of our first dates.

While Clio’s companionship and unconditional love after my abusive marriage and divorce played an important role in my recovery, she continued to provide inspiration and hope throughout her life. Clio survived two bouts with cancer (eye cancer and proliferate fibrosarcoma in her back leg) that left her with one eye and three legs. However, that never dampened her spirit or her love for me. Looks didn’t affect her attitude nor did the disability of having three legs. She developed muscles in her tail to help with balance, and eventually was able to outrun me. When my mother became extremely ill and I had to place her in a nursing home, regular visits from Clio helped brighten her day. When I had a cancer scare, she gave me hope.

I am deeply indebted to Clio for all she did for me after my abusive marriage. Without her I would never have regained by self-esteem and self-confidence nor had the ability to trust and love again. In many ways Clio was unique, but in many ways she was not. All animals provide us with companionship and unconditional love and can teach us so much about life and how to overcome adversity. They are truly our superpowers.

About Author:

Kathy M. Finley has been a lifelong animal lover and feels a special bond to cats. She grew up in poverty, was bullied as a child, and endured an abusive marriage followed by a bitter divorce. She has worked in the nonprofit sector all of her professional life and ran several national nonprofit organizations, but has entered into a new phase of her life where she hopes she can combine her love for storytelling and writing to show how animals can provide unconditional love, acceptance, and insight into one’s self. She is currently working on a book on how her one-eyed, three legged cat helped her face many of life’s challenges.

For more information, visit her website at kathyfinley.com.