Emotional Abuse

Heavy crowds- sounds (loud noises and the sound of leather), losing things. Heart beats fast. She feels safe in quietness. No one understands- In the quietness of her home she feels safe.

Those are some of the effects of emotional abuse in my life.

Emotional abuse crippled and changed who I was as a person. A few years have passed since I have heard the daily words that I was a nobody, useless, worthless, a bitch, stupid, and weak. When I look back and look at the old me, I no longer recognize her as I now live in freedom.

Emotional abuse is hurtful and is devastating to the soul and mind. For years, I believed every word that was spoken to me. I walked with my head down believing I was a nobody. I felt worthless. I truly wanted to wrap myself in believing what God thought of me… but abusive words seemed more believable as they were spoken over me every day.

I can’t tell you how many times I felt like giving up in life. I was convinced life would be better if I didn’t exist. Where did these suicidal ideations come from? Why did they visit me most days? Why did they enwrap themselves around me and my heart? It's main goal was to destroy me.

Entrapped I felt for years. Chained I was to the evil words spoken to me. Yet, deep in my soul there was something bigger than me; something that called me out and made me feel that there was more to my life.

Not knowing how to escape an abusive life, Jesus came to my rescue. He set me free from abuse and has healed my mind.

I will never forget the day Jesus visited me in my room, when all hope was gone(days before I left my house). His love was so strong, holding and engulfing me. I think I could’ve stayed there forever.

He kept pulling me forward like a magnet. It is because of Jesus and His great love for me that I am here writing all that I know about domestic violence, in hopes that my sisters, victims of domestic violence, will be free from all the pain emotional abuse brings to the soul.

I still struggle with anxiety but it is far and in between. A few things throw me into anxiety, like heavy crowds, the sound of leather, and losing things. Yet, I hold onto Jesus- Healer of my soul.

All the evil words spoken to hurt another are but lies. When the abuser shouts out, “You are worthless”, Jesus says, “You are worth it.” When the abuser shouts out, “You are weak”, Jesus says, “You are strong”. When the abuser shouts out, “You are a nobody”, Jesus says, “You are my daughter”.

There is hope and healing in Jesus.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future… Jeremiah 29:11

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