Day 6 of Emma's Story
The end of my six months of bed rest finally arrived. I went to the doctor for my final checkup. I was given the news that the D&C tore my uterus because of all the harsh scraping that had to be done to remove the fetal tissue. So, now there was a 1% chance I could bear children in the future.
I was devastated!! I had always dreamed of being a mother.
I remember crying all the way home. Not able to have children...me?? The eldest of 6 children, a Sunday school teacher….I couldn’t have children!!?? I was in shock. I went home and I was just angry! I was angry at him for causing me this heartache.
From that day forward, I no longer called him by his name or called him “my king” as he wanted me to me. He just became “J” to me. The first initial of his name because that was all I thought he deserved afterall.
It was back to normal for me. However, I went through each day in a daze and sometimes just in anger. I no longer loved this man. I despised him. The beatings started up again and so did the berating.
Then one day his uncle came to live with us for about 6 months. His uncle loved me and I could see that it hurt him when I was belittled in front of him. His uncle took me under his wing and taught me to make the Oaxacan mole and other Oaxacan dishes. I was thankful though that his uncle lived with us.
Those six months, I was able to breathe. He did not dare hit me in front of his uncle. He knew better. The uncle's teaching helped me feel more confidence in regards to the meals.
But he always found something to complain about or fight with me about.The food had too much salt, the food had no salt, the food wasn’t hot enough, the food was too cold, the rice was overcooked, the rice was undercooked, the beans weren’t smashed enough or the beanswere too smashed.
You get the picture right?
He always complained about everything. I was berated, but no beatings so I was happy. Well, as happy as I could be.
In those six months, I took advantage of the fact that his uncle lived with us and I asked to work. He said no, but his uncle said that he should let me since I’m home all alone anyways. So I became an Elementary school teacher’s aide. My job was to teach Spanish speaking 2nd graders to speak English fluently by the end of the school year. I loved my new part time job. It allowed me to leave the hellhole and interact with others.
In public I laughed, I talked and I loved who I was as a person. I dreaded going home after work. At home, I was a nobody and didn’t matter. At least this was my way of thinking.