Emma's Story
Some of you may recall that last year, I shared mini stories of how I became a victim of domestic violence at the age of 20. I didn't continue because on my last post having to relive the memories as I typed it triggered me and I was unable to continue. That was last year, though and this year I have gone through hardships and experiences that have made me tougher and so once again I will attempt to share my story. My story gets really ugly and is not for the faint of heart. I have chosen to share it in hopes that some one who is in the same situation that I was in, can see that there is hope at the end of that dark tunnel. No matter how impossible it may seem, with God all things are possible.
Here is last year's posts for those of you who don't quite understand what I am talking about:
Posts from: October 2019
Every bride dreams of the wedding dress she will wear, the headpiece, the shoes she will wear, how she will look, how her hair will be done, etc. I knew since I was 15 what kind of wedding I wanted; I worked hard to save money for when that day came.
Nothing went as planned though. From day one of being engaged, he called the shots. Just a little background, I was raised in a church that taught us woman that the man is the head of the household and what he says goes. I was supposed to be that Proverbs 31 woman who obeyed her husband, stayed home, tended to the house and raised the children. So as his fiancee that was my mentality. So my wedding dress had to be approved by him. My family didn't know that he would make me show him my wedding dress after each alteration or when a trinket was added. My shoes had to be flats because he was shorter than me so heels were out of the question. My headpiece was chosen by him and I acted like I liked it because that is what a good future wife does. I was trying to honor him as I was taught, but he took advantage of it. Sadly at that time, I didn't know it because I was a very naive 20 year old. Little did I know that the emotional and mental abuse would begin.
Our wedding date was set by flipping a calendar lol true story because I wanted a 2 year engagement to plan my dream wedding and he wanted it as soon as possible. So our church pastor at that time suggested we flip a calendar. The calendar landed in August so he was very upset because we had to wait 8 months to be married. I took it as "awe he loves me so much". Many times during our wedding preparation, we argued and didn't even talk for days. He would ignore me at church and to be honest it hurt. However, I was told it was natural for fiances to argue because of the pressure of planning a wedding. So I shrugged it off. We were the "ideal couple" according to everyone. He was always hanging with the Pastor. Wherever the Pastor was, he was there. I was one of the church Sunday school teachers so with us both being involved in the church ministry...everyone said we were meant to be. I had no idea he was a wolf in sheep's clothing and that the moment I said "I do" my life would become a nightmare.
August 20, 1994 and our wedding day finally arrived. A bride should be happy, excited and nervous all at the same time....sadly, it wasn't like that for me though. I got a call that he needed to talk to me in person. So I drove to meet him. He wanted to talk about the do's and don'ts of my look for our wedding day. I couldn't wear make-up, my hair had to be natural and down, no heels, my nails natural not painted and under no circumstances was I to be late. If I was late, he would leave me at the altar. Imagine how stressed I was after that conversation with him.
I drove back home and I was just a mess. I started rushing everyone to get ready, my mom, my sisters, my brothers and the wedding party. I didn't want to upset my husband to be and have him leave me at the altar. I was a mess!
Despite my efforts, getting a wedding party ready and out the door on time was impossible. I had my own driver take me to the church. I was an hour late and stressing all the way to the church. I was so afraid that I would arrive at the church and he would be gone. You are probably asking why I didn't call off the wedding or leave him at the altar...well that wasn't my nature. I was a very naive 20 year old and all I knew was that I had to honor my husband to be or God would punish me. I remember arriving at the church and standing behind the closed doors. Very nervous not knowing if he would be standing there or not. Doors open and he is standing at the front, but he doesn't look happy at all. It's funny how many guests took his look as him being nervous, but I could tell I had upset him. Our ceremony was tense and then at the reception we ran out of beverages and tortillas! Imagine how much more upset he was! His brothers had to buy more beverages and tortillas. His ego was bruised while naive me saw it as a blessing.
Everything was finally over, so we finally left for what would be my new home with him. However all his family members were staying at his place so you can imagine how crowded it was! Needless to say my wedding day did not go as I imagined it would at all.
It was Sunday morning and we began to gather our stuff for the honeymoon. I'm was starting to dress in casual clothes for the ride was going be long from Madera to our destination in Anaheim. However, he came in the room and says "no, take that off...I want you to wear your wedding dress." Now I'm thinking "what? Wear my wedding dress in 100 plus weather??!" However to please my newlywed husband, I did. As I begin to load up our suitcases in the car, he tells me "by the way, my cousin is coming with us. We will drop her off in Santa Maria on the way." I just nod and get in the front seat, but he says "no get in the back seat. My cousin is going in front." At this point I'm so confused! This is not what I had in mind for a honeymoon or the drive there. Nonetheless, I obeyed my newlywed husband. As we left, his cousin and him began to have a conversation in their Mixtec dialect and I was ignored in the backseat. Not once, was I acknowledged or spoken to.
Here I was in the backseat in my wedding dress in 100 plus weather and I'm sweating! I thought I’d pass out from the weather at one point. I was asleep when we finally arrived in Santa Maria. He did not bother to wake me up so I could go inside, instead he left me in the backseat and locked the car. I finally woke up and it was around 6 pm. I had no idea which house he was in or where his cousin lived. Imagine how I looked in my wedding dress knocking on doors looking for my husband! After knocking on five houses, I finally located him. His family had no idea I was in the car! His kind aunt and uncle invited me into their home to eat with them, but he told me to wait for him in the car. So once again, I did as I was told. I must have fallen asleep again because about about 2 hours later he finally came to the car. I was in the front seat and he told me to get in the backseat. So, of course I did as I was told. We drove the rest of the way to Anaheim in silence.
Finally we arrived at our hotel. It was very very late. I was tired, sweaty and very hungry. I just wanted to cry and sleep. As we settled into the room, he told me he was going to shower. I begin to remove my wedding dress and he says no keep it on. At this point I just want to shower and sleep and I wasn’t allowed to. I laid down on the bed and I fell asleep. He came out of the shower and became upset when he saw that was asleep and woke me up very abruptly. He said he waited all this time to be with me as husband and wife. Therefore, he told me to do my wifely duties. I told him I was very tired and sleepy. He didn’t care. I was his wife and therefore I must obey! I remember pleading with him asking him to wait...but he didn't. I was raped on my honeymoon by my husband. After it was all said and done, he looked at me and said "I could have had more fun with a prostitute!". I was hurt, devastated, somewhat in shock about what had just happened! I couldn't believe it! I cleaned myself up, showered and just cried. I knew this was not what I wanted in a marriage. I was determined to leave him and call someone to help me.
I came out of the shower and found him asleep. I tiptoed around gathering my stuff and as I was unlocking the hotel room, about to open the door...I was yanked back by my hair! Thrown across the room and told "I cost him $10,000 (his cost of wedding, I paid the other half) and I wasn't going anywhere! I cried and pleaded with him to let me go. He became angry and began to punch me, kick me and slap me. It was my second day of being married and I had a black eye, a busted lip and bruises everywhere. He told me "I'll kill you before you leave me." I was terrified! Couldn't believe the nightmare I was living! I spent the whole week of our honeymoon in a hotel room nursing my wounds while he spent it at Disneyland without me.
Join me tomorrow for Emma's Story part 2.